Knowing him. Meeting him.

February 10,2015

Maybe we all experienced that moment that you've met someone through your friend. Most likely it happened to me a couple of days ago. It was February 10,2015, he texted me. It  was the usual hi and hello's we experienced in texting. We learned some usual stuff about each other. He was a tattoo artist and a photographer at the same time. His a business minded person on the later part I've confessed to him that I had a baby, Baby Jaiden. I didn't quite explain the happenings back then and to make the story short, I said that my  baby died because of the infection of the blood and my  baby's daddy left me a week after we bury the body of my baby. So the usual thing we texted for a while and the next he invited me to meet him up for dinner. We agreed to set it up on Feb. 13,2015 at Greenbelt.



February 11 and 12, 2015

It was a usual day we texted a lot and talk things through like he shared that his sister is going to have a baby and he is so excited to finally meet the bundle of joy. We enjoyed conversing to each other. We became more comfortable to each other to the point that we are joking at each other. His a busy man. But he always see to it that whenever his busy he text me. I don't know if its because we only knew each other for a short span of time but I'm praying to God it isn't.


February 13 and 14,2015

The day that we'll finally meet each other. My friend came at our house and we just goof around. Then the afternoon came. I'm getting  ready. I'm quite nervous what will our date look like. Our decision is to meet up at greenbelt. He's late in our first date, he came at 7:30 because of the heavy traffic. We walk my friend to her destination and after we find a palce to eat dinner. We decided to eat in Balboa Restaurant because we both love pasta. It's actually fun to talk to him. every now and then I laugh. He does make sense on what we are talking about. We finished dinner at exactly 9 I think then we pick a movie to watch. The only good seats is available at 1am showing so we decide to go for it even when it's late. We walk around the Ayala to kill time and we both like to walk. Hes a truly gentleman. Whenever we cross the road he sees to it that he is assisting me and that's a good point. We talk for several of hours and we both get to know each other. No rushing things. There's this little boy that sells flower but he didn't got me the flower because the rose is not fresh anymore o in the end he only gave the boy a money. The boy insisted that he get the heartshaped in the stick but he declined and said " Ayoko niyan, yung puso ko lang ang ibibigay ko sakanya." It is quite corny but it make me smile. The little things that he said is making me kilig haha. After we walk around we finally decided to seat and talk again until the movie starts. We take a picture because my cousin kept on bugging me to take a picture. Haha. The movie that we watched is the Fifty Shades of Grey, it is a R-18 movie here in the Philippines. It's quite good but it is better to read it in the book. After the movie it is already 3am and we decided to go home. He dropped me of at our house and get my things and I decided to go home in Laguna. He dropped me off in Bicutan and we ended the day smiling and contented. I gave him a kiss in the cheeks and say thank you. I had a blast on our date and it is fun. I wish there will be next.

Lost....

I've already failed several times in love. I don't want to be hurt again. It's already enough. Would I love again? Several times in the past I've already been disappointed.  I try to love again but it turns out it isn't love at all. It's just an infatuation or maybe longing. Longing to be love and to be able to love them in return. To be taken care off. I'm in the zone that I would give up on love. I wanted to be happy. Would I be able to find that kind of love or maybe not. ......

Smile

It's been a while. But that doesn't mean I forgot about you. You'll always be my baby. I've dreamt about you. Your so happy in that dream. But it's kinda blur for me right now. I always wanted to dream about you. I'm still longing for you. I wanted to touch and hold you again. If God will give me time or wish. I'll wish to hold you again in my arms. But it will never happen, maybe in my dreams. So visit me often. I'll be happy if you'll do that. I love you! Always and forever.

Hi baby! Everyday I miss you. I've recently met someone baby. Is he the one or not? Would I risk my heart again? Is it time for me to love again and not push him away. If he is the one please give me some sign. I just wanted to feel loved and I wanted to be taken care off, the way I used to do. I don't want to be taken for granted anymore. I've had enough of that already. I wanted someone to accept all my flaws and my past. I wanted a serious relationship that will make me happy and not to be a toy to be thrown away if they don't need me anymore. Baby, please help mommy to be strong and to choose the right path that I am taking. I love you baby. Visit me soon. :*

Birthday. Feelings.

Your birthday is near. I wish you we're here. Maybe if your still alive, we are already planning about your upcoming birthday. You, your dad and I. Maybe we will be happy or not. I really don't know. There's so many what if's. I'm imagining things. I can't help myself to be sad baby, and I am sorry for that. I just really miss you. I don't know if I still have feeling for your dad. I care about him and think of him sometimes, maybe i'm just over thinking things already. Could you help me to find what I am feeling for him or should I start loving someone again? Give them a chance to see what's the real me? Can you visit me in my dreams to find out the answers. I really wanted to have a peace of mind. I wanted your dad and I have a closure and to talk about things. I don't want it to be left unsaid. Advance Happy Birthday Baby Jaiden. Mommy will always love you and wait for me on next Sunday. I'll visit you. It's your birthday and your lolo's birthday.

Behind my back

Some people talk about something behind your back. Why is that? From what I saw is that they envy you or they wanted to be you. Some people say that your a bitch but they didn't know what is your story. They just assume from what they hear about you. They don't want to look at themselves before talking about someone. From my younger years, I am like that but after everything that happened to me, I  see to myself to see all the sides of why they are being like that. From my experience, I've been called a bitch. Why? Because of loving someone who is younger than me and making love with that guy. So they assumed that I am a bitch. Is it bad to love someone that is younger than you? For me it's no. Because you just feel it. No reasons at all. Being the talk of the town is worst but I've endured it. I became stronger and just ignore the things they talk about behind your back. Yes it is painful because it is someone that you've trusted but that is the way that I've seen my true friends and who are not. So for the people that is talking behind your backs, just ignore them because they will just be pissed off if your not affected with what they are saying and in any time they will just loose interest about you. Be strong.