Smile

It's been a while. But that doesn't mean I forgot about you. You'll always be my baby. I've dreamt about you. Your so happy in that dream. But it's kinda blur for me right now. I always wanted to dream about you. I'm still longing for you. I wanted to touch and hold you again. If God will give me time or wish. I'll wish to hold you again in my arms. But it will never happen, maybe in my dreams. So visit me often. I'll be happy if you'll do that. I love you! Always and forever.

Hi baby! Everyday I miss you. I've recently met someone baby. Is he the one or not? Would I risk my heart again? Is it time for me to love again and not push him away. If he is the one please give me some sign. I just wanted to feel loved and I wanted to be taken care off, the way I used to do. I don't want to be taken for granted anymore. I've had enough of that already. I wanted someone to accept all my flaws and my past. I wanted a serious relationship that will make me happy and not to be a toy to be thrown away if they don't need me anymore. Baby, please help mommy to be strong and to choose the right path that I am taking. I love you baby. Visit me soon. :*

Birthday. Feelings.

Your birthday is near. I wish you we're here. Maybe if your still alive, we are already planning about your upcoming birthday. You, your dad and I. Maybe we will be happy or not. I really don't know. There's so many what if's. I'm imagining things. I can't help myself to be sad baby, and I am sorry for that. I just really miss you. I don't know if I still have feeling for your dad. I care about him and think of him sometimes, maybe i'm just over thinking things already. Could you help me to find what I am feeling for him or should I start loving someone again? Give them a chance to see what's the real me? Can you visit me in my dreams to find out the answers. I really wanted to have a peace of mind. I wanted your dad and I have a closure and to talk about things. I don't want it to be left unsaid. Advance Happy Birthday Baby Jaiden. Mommy will always love you and wait for me on next Sunday. I'll visit you. It's your birthday and your lolo's birthday.

Behind my back

Some people talk about something behind your back. Why is that? From what I saw is that they envy you or they wanted to be you. Some people say that your a bitch but they didn't know what is your story. They just assume from what they hear about you. They don't want to look at themselves before talking about someone. From my younger years, I am like that but after everything that happened to me, I  see to myself to see all the sides of why they are being like that. From my experience, I've been called a bitch. Why? Because of loving someone who is younger than me and making love with that guy. So they assumed that I am a bitch. Is it bad to love someone that is younger than you? For me it's no. Because you just feel it. No reasons at all. Being the talk of the town is worst but I've endured it. I became stronger and just ignore the things they talk about behind your back. Yes it is painful because it is someone that you've trusted but that is the way that I've seen my true friends and who are not. So for the people that is talking behind your backs, just ignore them because they will just be pissed off if your not affected with what they are saying and in any time they will just loose interest about you. Be strong.

My love for you

Your an unexpected baby, but I didn't regret of having you in my life. Your dad wanted you to be aborted, but I am against it. I know my mom and dad were disappointed with me at that time, but they accepted it immediately. I've been scared. I am in denial at that time but eventually I've learned to accept it. Your daddy accepted it to. Every week he see to it that he is coming to see us. I know he is suffering because he is so young at that time and he is younger than me but he take the responsibility. But January 2013 passed your daddy is not the way he used to be. He has been cold to me and I know somethings wrong. One day someone texted him and  I knew she is the one who is causing him to be cold. I confronted him but he doesn't want to say the truth. I've cried eventually he said the truth. She is his girl. He said that his lonely without me that is why he did hat. He wanted someone to take care of him the way I used to. I let him pick, he doesn't want to loose us so he chose us. Summer have passed and he doesn't go to us. He keeps on giving his alibis. Then the day that i had a check up, he is with me. That was the day that I am going to give birth to you. But he left me, he said his going  to find a money. But your daddy didn't comeback. He never came to see us. He only came the day that we rushed you to the hospital. That was the tragic moment of my life. Seeing you in the hospital that you are fighting your life for us. I know you are a fighter, you hold on for three days. But eventually you left us. But I know your happy now. I love you baby Jaiden. You'll always be in my heart.

Being a mother..

Some people say that being a mother at a young age is a no no, but as I see things it isn't bad after all. Being a mother to a cute little child is something wonderful. I was a mother at the age of 19 yrs old. But God has taken it away from me. I know he has a plan for me that's why he just given Baby Jaiden for  a short period of time. It was only 11 days that he was with me. A week of happiness and a week of painful memories. Seeing your baby for the first time was a wonderful feeling. I couldn't explain what I am feeling that time. But after a week of being together we rush him in the hospital. I don't know what to do, what I did wrong. I thought he was alright. I prayed to God that make him alright. But things got worst. The doctor said he is rapidly deteriorating. I cried a lot. I've questioned God that time. Why he is doing that? At 5 o'clock in the morning, he eventually leave us, it was so painful. I don't know if my life has a direction anymore. My heart is broken. But when I've seen him after taking out the tubes in his body, he is happy, he is smiling, he is like an angel and that day I've realized that he is now in peace. He is now happy wherever he is and I must let go of him. It is so painful seeing your child lifeless. But my life must go on and I must leave everything behind and be strong.  So to the mother's that lost a child, remember that everything's happen for a reason. Maybe God given this kind of struggles to make us strong and to have faith in him. I know Baby Jaiden's an angel now and he is watching me from above. HAPPY MOTHER"S DAY to all.